From Alabama with love....

I love beer shirt. 3 bucks.

Best day of the year, almost here!

So for those of you that don't know or just refuse to be a patriot. The 4th of July is nearing. The 4th is the best holiday ever created by man if you disagree you are wrong so don't disagree anymore.

Now in the traditional spirit of steven alan merk, I will be building a even bigger and better special treat full of wiring know how and mystery. Lets just put it this way it involves lets so as many as eight airbags (yes from a car) and a good 60 feet of wire. Dangerous? Yes however I am a trained professional in the proper disposal and transporting of said explosive device. Basically all that means is I know how not to blow my perty lil face off. Don't be a dumbass and try this at home, and if you are don't blame me cause I did say that to cover my furry butt.

All that legal non-sense being said.... I will now answer why I love the 4th so much...

1) Everyone rides bikes and no one cares if you bump into them. It is all awesome all day.

2) Merk are you sure this is safe? is my favorite thing to hear. The fact "Don't worry I am a professional" has become a acceptable answer makes me even more happy.

3) Pools. I just worked a job in downey that was hotter then haiti on national throw shit in the volcano day and I have wanted to swim every day since then. However, I have refused to indulge and will hold out until the 4th comes.

4) Why are block party's so awesome? Last year my mom told me to go in the house before the neighbors see that was pretty awesome coming from the lory.

5) Roman candles and metal trash can lids. You do the math.

6) Everyone says hi, more then halloween, more then christmas, more then any other day, people are friendly.

7) My many years of consumer experience have led me to this observation. If you are going to a party and are short on money buy Pabst, I mean come on it won a blue ribbon. The 4th is the day for Pabst because for some reason on this glorious day it is priced lower then any other day.

Those are just a few but think about them and agree.

Merk

The new and improved.. Things that Piss me off and that I don't understand.

1. Mini-cities. For example the wanna be city of Rossmor. It is a basically a housing development that is about two blocks big. The people that live there make nifty little signs that say things like, Dont forget Tuesday is Street Sweeping! They hang the signs on every exit of the neighborhood. Well now they want Rossmor to be recognized as a city. I swear people have nothing better to do, Los Alamitos doesn't sound fancy enough to me I want to say I live in Rossmor a fictional place that no one has ever heard of. If you ever get your stupid ass wish of having your own mini city I hope the city of Los Alamitos cuts you off. You can go find your own street department, along with landscape, and a water department. Good luck finding enough space in your armpit of a town to slap us a costco to raise revenue to fund this crap.

2. The armpit of a mini city that I accidently moved into. Long Beach has all these super gay mini suburbs that actually have signs, I live in Alamitos Beach, but my mail still says Long Beach, cause Long Beach is gangster like that, did you know Long Beach has there very own Gas Company, so rad, for no reason other then the fact they didn't sell out. Onward, parking here is a joke. Some dumbass actually had the balls to park under the rear bumper of my truck, seriously under it. Then the jerkoff that parked in front of me left about two inches of courtesy space for me to get out. Now when I got to my car I just smiled cause I knew damn well what was about to happen. This was one of those days I was so happy I drove a pre-runner with .095 wall mild STEEL tubing bumpers. I honked once and counted to 20, then honked again and counted to 40, okay it was actually around 6 but whatever. I then threw the sucker in reverse and drove that bumper a good foot up the assholes hood that parked behind me then threw it back into first and dragged my back bumper down his hood while knocking out the taillight of the car in front of me. I backed up one more time and hit the guys hood behind me just enough to be able to go foward and get out. I hope you learned your lesson you stupid stupid stupid excuse for life.

3. Being sick. Where in the hell does all that crap that comes out of your head come from anyway? You think your body would have the common sense to say ... Hey maybe I should stop making this crap cause it is super annoying and keeps chapping my nostril holes. I guess I just don't get the point of being sick. If my body wants to puke some crap out of it, just make me pee my pants or something much more efficent.

Im sick so I am getting a headache from trying to vent I will type more later.

So I have been super busy this last week. Here is why. My buddy Joey and I have been doing fabrication work out of his garage and we got slammed with work, alot of work. So if you know anyone that needs a bumper or a roll cage or whatever let me know. We just finished a roll cage for a ez go golf cart, it looks like a mega awesome warrior now... Check it out let me know what you think.

Exciting news from the front line!

This week was a bit of a glorious one for me personally. I have been quite unhappy at work for awhile now. I generally enjoy the work, however my days at work have been riddled by plague in the form of a man. He goes by bill, I call him lost always. 

He was our shop manager, and generally he was not a bad person, he has a daughter and seems like quite a good father to her. As far as being the shop manager it was the worst decision ever. He refused to work on anything while he was at work which immediately made him lose some points in my book. The fact he would come over and pull me off a high dollar, deadlined project, to move a car would fire me up more then anything. Mind you this is someone that does nothing but distribute work, thats it, he could easily jump in a car and move it himself but no he didn't. I never really understood how they could bring in someone who knew nothing about cars, was scared to approach us with problems, and had no organizational skills to speak of.

My anger started awhile ago, I had a 5 am call time to downtown Los Angeles. I arrive at the shop at 3 am to pick up a car, he had made a phone call to me and stated the car would be by the bay door and all ready to go, sounds great right? Well I get the work and the interior plastics are laying on the floor of the car and the seat belts are not installed, the headliner is even hanging down a bit. I put the car back together and fly down to LA and somehow made it one time. The next day when I came in to pick up another car I gave him to holy grail of ass chewings. I was so irate I could barely contain myself from choking him. Well here we go again I am picking up another car to go back to LA and guess what? Won't start, doesn't run! Come one give me a break here, I totally lose it and pull him into his office and start going off to which my glorious boss says nothing except... go for it, chew him out.

Since then there has been endless amounts of screw ups and downfalls on the shop managers behalf. So naturally being the level headed person I am I started on a little project I call Operation Extermination, since it was quite apparent to me he would not be fired I decided to make him quite.

I started slowly and gradually stepped it up in small notches until when I looked into his eyes all I saw was agony like today was the hardest day of his life. I pointed out everything he did wrong and what a complete waste of time and space he was. I pointed out I had not had work orders in months. Other things such as, how he is a complete dipshit and just wonders around all day making a noise that sounds like a sea lion with down syndrome. I terrorized him until I could almost see tears then really layed into him after that. I would throw tools and tell him to go try to bang the secretary some more, man she was a real pain in the ass too. 

The problem here is at work we are together for sometimes 16 to 19 hours a day, sometimes for a week, the people that work with me, we are friends, we vent, hear about relationship problems or new engagements, We are friends, sincerely friends. One guy was my room mate, another a friend from high school who's wedding I am going to be in soon, another a favorite drinking friend, another a kid I took under my wing and try to teach as much as I can too.. Fine job he is doing as well. Point is... We have fun at work, we tell jokes, we talk crap on each other all day but, gradually, this stopped. I found it tragic really, work moral was at a all time low, I tried bringing donuts to no resolve, donuts usually fix everything. 

This my friends, is why I had to terrorize the sea lion. He came in monday morning, phone in hand, with his little set of keys and put them on the boss desk and turned in his two weeks, here is yet another reason I do like my boss, he says... just leave. Perfect! 

Well this week the radio was back on and poppin' we had a lil stomp the yard crunk contest, tore down every worthless memo in the break room in a moment of glorious triumph. Things are good again friends. The glory days are here again.

Favorite website for right now!

So I spend alot of time just wandering around looking for new and exciting things. Today I stumbled upon this gem. It is called www.passiveaggressivenotes.com . Simply a work of genius. I have myself created these on multiple occasions. Even had one or two directed at me so this is extra enjoyable. Take some time to go check it out. Steve Merk seal of guaranteed entertainment is stamped all over this sucker.

Myspace comment of the month

I said I was going to do this awhile ago, but never got around to it. So here we go, if you are awesome enough to muster up a comment that will amaze and mystify me I will post it here and you will be a grand champion... or something else that sounds nice on a resume.

This winner is Kelly aka SLOTHY POO!

Hello friend. I just did you a solid and subscribed to your blog. I'm not much of a blog-commenter type, so instead, I think I'll just keep the pantry stocked with delicious swiss cake rolls, in you can enjoy at your leisure, you keep providing the blogs (mentioning me at some point would be awesome, but no pressure) and I will continue to provide you with the tasty delicious individually wrapped treats. Thank you and you're welcome. - Sloth

Oh and on a side note... if anyone can figure out why I can't copy and paste to blogger let me know everytime I do it doesn't show up.